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Wednesday, October 20th, 2004
10:15 pm - Wasting away...
Sorry its been so long. Well I am back from boston and I can not even describe the amount of fun I had! Most of the time I was alone wandering the streets of Boston and snapping pictures. But I loved seeing my dad. It was in a way weird....he would keep staring at me and smile. He also told me he missed me a million times. I miss him too. ANYWAYS...check out my pics:
My Homepage

School has been pretty ordinary....infact life has. Its been weird. I dunno.
I have an appointment to figure out my spring classes......but I dont know what to take. Great another major-less obstacle for me to go over!


current mood: weird

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Sunday, October 10th, 2004
12:39 pm
Hey Guys! So sorry I havent updated in a loooong time. You know me...I loose track of time and put it off till someone bitches at me about it. But here I am!

OK-one thing I have to say is that I LOVE MY JOB! And I am sure as soon as I say this something will happen and make it suck. But for the time being my JOB KICKS ASS! The people I work with are so nice and friendly. Of course I already have a favorite manager and she is hoot...hehe! I love helping people find the right jeans and working in the fitting room is my strong point. I love telling people whether or not they look good in something. I love to compliment people. And usually the hours go by so fast. This is the first time I have not complained about a job I have. Its great. I hope it doesnt change.

School is also going good. Surprisingly I am passing them all with good grades. The only class that bugs me is my english....grrrr....she is a dumb ass. My art class is so Loooooooooooong. I feel sometimes like I am dying of a slow and painful disease.

Ha-life actually seems to be good right now.And to make even better I get to see my dad in Boston tomorrow. I miss him so much. This time of the year really reminds me of going down to his house and spending time with him. Even the football game I went to last week reminded me of him.

Now I am about to pack for BOSTON...but our washer is fucked up and I need to wash clothes! AH!
Smooches to ya all.
buh bye

current mood: calm

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Friday, October 8th, 2004
2:48 pm - I am so HAPPY
It was absolutely wonderful! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!I dont think I cant tell you that enough! As I was opening it all I wanted to do was look at you IN PERSON and smile and then GIVE YOU THE BIGGEST HUGE EVER. I so wish you were here. Something is missing without you. Oh, you can not even imagine the emotions i am feeling. AH! I LOVE YOU! I dont know if i should be happy because the present ROCKED...OR sad because you werent here to give it to me in person. EITHER WAY I THANK YOU AND MISS YOU....Just wait a lil longer and I will be down there to see you. SMOOOOOCHES!
Love you with all my heart

current mood: ecstatic

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Sunday, October 3rd, 2004
11:16 pm
title or description

current mood: amused

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Friday, October 1st, 2004
11:17 pm
All I have to say is that today has been a disappointing day. All day. I hate my English class, math is so boring, i feel overwhelmed, and work ran long. No relief afterwords. Just a disappointing day. Has anyone ever noticed this time in your life when everything seems to be going good..not perfect but good, and then before you know it, it all comes crashing down on you!A time when everything has built up and you dont know where to start. Or maybe its just a mental state. Because at this moment and for a while I have felt this was, but if I think about it...its nothing I can go and fix....its just how I perceive the situation and how I handel it. So far its not too good. Next week will be new...maybe even perfect.
I cant wait for the game! I want to chill and hang with my friends.
buh bye for now

current mood: stressed

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Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004
7:18 pm
AH! Today was so much fun....Cassie and I got drunk off of carbonated drinks! We were heading home till we got side tracked by this LAME driver.....who due to my drunkeness....I yelled out strongly worded phrases and names. And then right before we picked Erin up I was hanging out the top of Cassie's car(sun roof) and IT WAS GREAT! I havent had crazy fun like that in a while......missed it.

current mood: happy

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7:13 pm - Start Shopping

current mood: excited

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Sunday, September 19th, 2004
8:57 pm - Ok-So I did......its the new me
So I finally did it...I cut my hair. Its all gone! Well almost all. I am not sure if I like it yet. Its not what I expected...but nothing ever is. I am hoping Cassie can help me learn how to style it.....because i just cant do that kinda stuff.I mean it has layers, ya just cant tell. AHH! I feel free in a way...a new person.
6 more days till I turn 19!!
My New DoCollapse )

current mood: frustrated

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Friday, September 17th, 2004
7:54 am
I feel numb.....thats all

current mood: rejected

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Monday, September 13th, 2004
10:24 pm - Trying to Catch You up
Hello all.
Oh my gosh! So much stuff has happened. I will do my best to update.
Lets see......As you all know college has started. So far I love it! In fact I love the university. I think people under estimate the potential the University of Memphis has. My classes are great. I was alittle scared about math, but so far I have a control on it. College just make you feel so free and GROWN UP! Yea! hehe Best of all I have classes with cassie, diana, and heather!!!
Work!work work!! It seems like thats all I have done lately. But last week was my first day at Gap. It was the first time I came home from my first day and didnt bitch about how much I hated it. I just hope I can do this job and find my comfort zone. Plus the discounts ROCK! Last Friday was my last day at Best Buy. Yes, apart of me will miss the place....but soon I will snap out of that and see how lucky I am. The friends I made there were great. I hope I can keep intouch with alot of them.
GOOD NEWS! It seems that Ryan and I are stronger than ever. Actually its pretty great. I see him on weekends and whenever we have a chance during the week. So far my doubts have been proved wrong and its the best feeling I have ever had. I can look at a picture of him and all I can do is smile. Who knew...I know I didnt think I would feel this way..for this long.There is something special about him. Something that allows me to be me, to be strong, to be loving, free, a nurturer, and to be taken care of. I am so use to being in control and doing for myself...Ryan allows me to loosen up and to depend on someone other than myself. I never thought I would, I never thought it would be a good thing. But I realized that I cant do it all, sooner or later I have to let people in. What can I say...I love him.
BREAKING NEWS! 12 days till my 19th birthday!
Thats right...everybody break out those candles, and party hats, and lets not forget the credit cards and cash for those super cool gifts you'll be getting me! hehe Well I dont quiet know what I will do to celebrate. Anyone have ideas!? *sniff sniff* whats that smell? Oh!Yes, my birthday!haha
Well I have lots to bitch about but I will spare you for now. Talk to you all later.

current mood: bouncy

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3:17 pm - I need your opinion
OK guys so its time for me to get my hair cut. You know what that means. Yes, alot of "what do you think about that" questions! So I have narrowed it down. I am thinking a short cut.

What Do you Think About this on ME!?
Can you see this hair cut.......
My new lookCollapse )

......on this face?
My old lookCollapse )

Ok guys so help me out here!!
Marina if you read this LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

current mood: curious

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12:46 pm

Are you one of the 3 P`s? (Poser, Punk, Prep)
What do they call you?
When is your cake-day?
What color are you feelin`?
What grade you reppin`?
What`s your favorite song?
You are a ViRGiN =) FALSE
You are in l0ve <3 TRUE
You are: A PUNK! - You`re a unique person, you`ve got your own style and that`s awesome.
You are a true: Ballerr..Oh yeh, GO Y0U. You have a lot of talent when it comes to sports =)
You like: Hanging with friends - Unlike other people, you have friends who understand and care about you! They may have let you down a couple times, but nothing can come between your strong friendship!
One of your go0d qualities is: that you are Sweet! Everyone notices how kind you are to others, people love being around you =) You brighten everyones day!
This cool quiz by lil_mmm - Taken 21928 Times.
New - Dating Advice written by YOU!

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Friday, August 27th, 2004
9:09 am - OK I feel like a bad friends.....
So I must prove to you that I DO MISS YOU MARINA!
I wish you were here so much! Its not the same without you.
But every time I hear "the reason" I think of US!
Trust me I will be seeing you soon though.


current mood: loved

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Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
10:34 pm
My fave picture of Cas and I!Collapse )

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Monday, August 23rd, 2004
10:31 pm - I think I might scream
AHHHHHHHHHHHH! A part of me just wants to scream my head off. I just have so many thoughts in there. I want them gone....I want to feel free. For once I want to feel carefree. I dont ever think that is gonna be possible. In a way I wish I could step out of my body and leave all my thoughts, worries, and issues behind. I am surprised that I am not crazy...well on some level I think I am. I dont know....I just think I am depressed at the moment.I really feel that way right now. There is something in the air, something in my head, something that tells me to be depressed...that its for protection. My theory has always been if you dont get your hopes up you dont get disappointed and expect the worse. I know its not a good outlook...but that just me for ya.
So moving on. Today I had my second interview at Gap today. Personally I think it went well...but maybe not. She said she'd get back to me....yeah so what does that mean? Maybe I didnt get it. Oh well I will get over it. But for now Best Buy is getting better. Yeah I know I have said it before, but I have gotten to the point where I can be myself with others. And they seem to like me. Will that change? I hope not. I have friends there too. Alot of the employees go to U of M so I could see them on campus! YEAH!
I dont really have much else to say...its now almost 11 and well my depression is beginning to kick in.
buh bye

current mood: depressed

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Saturday, August 21st, 2004
10:44 pm - My new home
Ok so here is the university of Memphis .....its sooo huge! But my classes are all close. And Cassie and I have one class together and the next one we have in the same building! YES! So I have my support system right there! Poor girl Diana has classes spread through out the campus....rememmber diana:when speed walking squeeze the tush!hehe
ok so here is a pic of the campus and I got bored and circled when my classes are. The yellow are my classes on MWF and the Lime is Tues and Thurs!!
I cant wait!

title or description

current mood: awake

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Friday, August 20th, 2004
11:49 am - *jumps for joy*
Ok- so today I had an interview at GAP. I think it went well, they asked me to come back monday at 10! AHH! I so hope I get this.....it would mean no more Best Buy. No more bull shit!
But I have to work all this weekend at that hell hole....so its not so much good news.

current mood: excited

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Thursday, August 19th, 2004
10:56 am
Well I dont really have much to say. Just kinda bored....this whole week has been kinda blah. I havent really done much.
And then today is just weird. I dont really know why. Have you ever found yourself just standing there staring off into nothingness, yet not really thinking about anything? I often stare at nothing when I think, but this time there is really nothing to think about. Or maybe there is and I just dont know what to think of it. Personally, I think its too much thinking for my own good. Ouch my brain hurts...hehe.
Something I noticed about myself is that the words "I dont know" roll off my tongue so easily. Why is that? No matter what it is.....no matter the topic I find a way to fit in "I dont know". When I use it I am most likely confused. I just hate how I am so unsure about alot of things. Will I ever know? Or will I just except the fact that I dont know? When I think about anything involving the future or a big decision I'll say those words.Whats your Major? I dont know Will you enjoy college? I dont know Will things work out? I dont know What do you want to do? I dont know What do you want to eat? I dunno Why cant you just make up your mind? I DONT KNOW.

I had a dream last night. It was kinda weird. It was me sleeping in my room and every now and then different people would wake me up. 1st it was my sister...who didnt want to go to school, so yelled and she eventually went. Does that mean erin might later hate going to school?? So I went back to bed. Later I am woken up by Chris and Amanda(friend down the street). They are just making small chat with me. Amanda eventually leaves, but chris is left. He simply says "get dressed chico we gotta go". But as I lay two people from FROSH CAMP appear(i think it was Cas' mom and cabin 3's dad) and they ask me if I have seen this girl. And the dream ends with me telling Chris I need an hour to get dressed.Through out the dream I cant see anything! Total blur...which happens in most of my dreams. So all this leads me to maybe the possibilities of the future. I will be in need for sleep, yet through out the year have distraction by My sister(who shows that she still needs me), Amanda and of course Chris, yet this mystery girl is introduced(the one the frosh people ask about)...who is this girl? A future friend, but if its a distraction a future boss? But who knows? It could mean nothing. If it was a dream of distractions why wasnt ryan in it? or Cas? What does that mean? And the eyes being blured...what does it mean? BUT ITS JUST A DREAM. I alway tend to examine my dreams.

Well I better be going....chris needs help tanning....haha.
Sorry if this was just mindless rambling
check ya lata

current mood: curious

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Monday, August 16th, 2004
8:52 pm - bored
Type your name using the following:

fingers: Sara

knuckles: sara

nose: sara

knee: ssazre5gdxc

toe: sara

foot: swaqSWAFTR

elbow: Sara

palm: dsararuilg

chin: sara sara

current mood: crazy

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Sunday, August 15th, 2004
10:27 pm - A real entry
Hello all!
YES SARA IS BACK FROM FROSH CAMP! WHAWHOOO! YEEHAW CABIN 7! oh oh....Sorry...I am still having frosh camp withdrawal. So ya wanna hear about my experience? Why sure you do. It was interesting. I Had fun...trust me I did. But I didnt realize that I had fun till I got back from it. While I was there it seemed I was surrounded by all the ex-cheerleaders, pep squad, and football players of highschool. Not as in looks and attitude....but as in their spirit and peppiness. It was a tad bit over whelming. I got into it though. I had the opportunity to meet alot of people...new people. Yet I still ended up hanging out with Heather,Nicole,Cas,and Diana more. Each Cabin would compete with the other cabins and have races, and at night we would have mixers(dances). Omg! They were so much fun. 70s and 80s night was the best....WE ALL LOOKED HOT! Everyone loved out outfits too. infact I am wear my leg warmers...right now!hehe We also had a mom and dad in our cabin. They were counselors who would talk to us and make us feel at home. They told us we could depend on them through out the year. OH OH I LOVED MY DAD....cutie.....my mom....not so much. We had great fireside chats and bonded..yada yada. Now that I look back on it....I am glad I went.
Now the downside......The whole trip made me realize how I can be too shy at times. And not show the person I really am. Personally, I am cool and I am a great listener...I love to give advice, and goofing around is my specialty. I dont think my cabin got to see that part of me. Well my sisters did...one inparticular..Katlyn. She was cool...OMG she could talk! While being there I saw all these pretty faces and began to feel bad...I hate when that happens. I hate that it happens to me so often. The first day was so bad there...i knew no one. And I missed Ryan so much.When I would see the other girls I would think...now what is so special about me. And then become thankful that Ryan wants to be with me. But those thought of low self-esteem will eventually disappear or become lil whispers in my head.
Camp was refreshing at times and then terrifying. I mean knowing new people...made the university seem smaller and welcoming. I felt comfortable. But the whole time counselors were telling us to get involved join clubs, be greek, and take leadership. Things that I would love to do. But during that time how am I also suppose to pass calss and have a job. I think its easier for them because most will be at the dorms and most work on the campus...they develop a life around the school. Me I will live at home, work, and go to school and when I can, get involved. Oh oh and what scared me even though I wont be doing it....but EVERYONE is moving into dorms! Not that I want to....but arent they all scared? Its like this big leap into something new and you dont know the outcome. Arent you scared? I guess I an not one for change. Maybe one day I will be though...maybe. Sorry I know I began to ramble up there.

OK school is starting in two weeks....I still have to pick another class! And being undecided I think is a good thing. I can feel my way around. I have had alot of advice given to me...by alot of people. I think all I need now is a counselor who will tell me the general classes I should take.

And GUESS WHAT...i hate my job. Allow me to explain...... so i go to work Saturday 3-11. The day is fine, manager is acting weird towords me the whole day. I am doing everything they ask. I say everything I am told to say. So i am said to take lunch at 6:30. Its past 6:30 and I go on lunch...as I am out there to get a drink my manager ask me why i am not on register. I say cause on lunch, she yells says I cant untill Malorie comes back. I am like oh my bad...i thought she was gone for the day. So I clock back in. When I do actually get a lunch the manager comes for me in the break room saying "SARA why arent you back yet?!" I am like I have 5 mins left. "Well you need to get back" I am like fine I clock in and on my way to do that she say "WHY do i always have to babysit you?" I was like WHAT THE FUCK! She does not..I am a big girl and work on my own. So I go back to work. And as the store closes I go to take items back to their departments. The manager get on the intercom "Sara get to your register Sara get to your register" I was like ok then. I am at it and she does it again. So I get on the intercom "Sara is at her register Sara is at her register". But she didnt find that amusing....I dont know why...I did. And when its time to count my draw she say "missy told me to call you back, so when you did that you made yourself look like a jackass". I was said "oh really. thats to bad. I enjoyed it and dont give a shit if I look like a jackass" And finally to end the night she counts my draw and I was 13 dollars over and I was written up.
But I was happy the whole day! I have pasted "the crying my eyes out" phase to "the I dont give a fuck,just fire me" phase.BRAVO!

Today was fun. I went to church with Ryan. I always enjoy that. Yes, at times I freak out because it is so new to me, but I find myself hoping I have sundays off and that Ryan asks me to church. I do enjoy it, I dont know what it is but I do. And its getting easier for me....sometimes. Then Ryan, Mike, Jen, and I went swimming. I kinda learned to dive. But as I was learning....I leaned into dive but came out with a FLOP. It hurt...OUCH! But I enjoyed it all.

current mood: peaceful

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